I was thinking the other night about what I could write about in my next posting. My mind is often drawn to my husband and kids as it was that evening. So, then I thought it would be a good idea to ponder and write down all that I am thankful for in 2007.
It was a very painful year (probably the hardest of my life, so far) but it also brought the greatest joys I could ever imagine experiencing!
In late 2006 we decided it was time for another child to join our family. We just felt incomplete when we were all together and we even found ourselves looking around making sure we had them all but still seemed to come up short. Someone was definitely missing and so we were pregnant almost immediately. A few months later we had our ultrasound early to confirm the due date and were told to expect another boy! We were very excited (they're easier, or so I think), but we didn't really have too much of a preference. We were wrapping up the ultrasound when the technician detected a problem with the formation of the skull. Things went downhill very quickly from that moment on. A doctor came in and explained what it was our son had (an encephalocele and hydrocephalus) and said he pretty much doesn't have much of a chance of surviving and if he did he could be a complete vegetable. Then 10 minutes later they were sticking a long needle in my stomach to extract a sample of the amniotic fluid to test for other complications. I was a wreck, shaking, sweating, crying, trying to be brave. Jason was strong for me. The doctor that came in ended up being the one I stuck with through the pregnancy and delivery. A few members of our family didn't care for her because of her "business-like attitude" but she just told it like she saw it and didn't sugar coat, which Jason and I liked. In the beginning she told us if it was her baby she'd terminate the pregnancy but we knew that wasn't the path to take. We had to tell her a few more times that we had no interest in ending this sooner than what nature would allow. She never said he had NO chance but the odds were not in his favor and because almost every baby diagnosed with this problem ends up being terminated they didn't have much in the way of research on the surviving babies to go off of. We had to hope!
That day (December 27, 2006) was the beginning of the roller coaster ride I will never forget. That day was also the day I named him Ryan. Jason and I struggled through the unknown months of wondering and having frequent ultrasounds to measure the baby and keep close tabs on his ever growing head. It was a little bigger than normal because of excess fluid on the brain.
It became very hard for Jason and I to talk to family and friends and withdrew from everyone we loved. I cried so much in those months leading up to his birth. My emotions were all over the board and so were Jason's but we stayed so close to each other through it all. When the time drew closer we sat just our older boys down (Chaney was too little to understand) and explained that Ryan would need surgery when he was born and showed pictures of what the shunt looked like that would be placed in his head to drain the extra fluid that would always be there. And also to have the encephalocele removed. Our oldest son knew there was a chance of losing his baby brother and I know it wore on him too. He has a very gentle heart and caring spirit.
The time came to plan the date for my C-section. I was terrified! I had never had surgery and didn't know what I was in for but I knew it gave Ryan the best chance so I immediately agreed. I had known this since the ultrasound too so that added to the anxiety I had. The date was set for June 11, 2007 at 8a.m.
We planned a family vacation a month before his due date because we just didn't know when we would have the opportunity again, not knowing the state of Ryan's outcome. So, we took off for a week in sunny Florida to visit family, friends and Mickey Mouse! What a wonderful time and good to get away from everything for a little bit, even though my tummy was gigantic. In the parks I rented a motorized scooter to get around (oh yes, I have no shame in it). What a life saver and even the kids got on it from time to time when they got tired. They got kicked off a few times but we'd go around the corner and they jumped back on. We are such rebels!
The time came, too quickly but not soon enough, and we set our alarm clocks for 4a.m. to be at the hospital at 6a.m. for surgery prep the morning of June 11. I got the I.V. and walked myself in to the operating room with a nurse at my side. Jason wasn't able to come in till they were all set up. I had been shaking since I got to the hospital and up until my doctor came in to the O.R. and laid her hand on my arm. At that very second a calm came over my body and I was able to relax. It was almost a warming feeling. The shaking was gone. Jason joined me and took a seat, unknowingly, next to the container of body fluid they sucked from me while in the process of my surgery. He moved very quickly once he realized what it was. He's super squeamish. I found it very amusing.
Ryan was born soon after they began (within about 15-20 minutes) and immediately I heard the most beautiful noise ever! His cry! They lifted him up so we could get a quick glimpse of him then they whisked him away to the recovery room where they could quickly assess him. Within a few minutes, maybe even less, they called in that he was sucking on a pacifier! Breathing and sucking were major obstacles that our doctor didn't think he would be able to do. He scored not one but TWO 9's on the A.P.G.A.R. test. That's rare in a baby that has no complications. I cried and laughed as they sewed me up. Jason was thrilled too and beamed like sunshine. We were able to go in (I was wheeled, of course) to the room where he lay with cords of all kinds on him. He was so beautiful. I was able to hold him for a few minutes and a nurse took many pictures. Jason and I were then sent back to a recovery room for an hour to take my vitals every so often. We just couldn't believe it. He was here and doing things we only dreamed about! His birth was just the beginning of many miracles to come.
